I have less pants now
Than when I started.
I have less pants
Than when I began
I have less pants now
Than when I started
I must purchase them
All again.

When did this all begin?
Well I suppose
It was at work last Thursday
I made a sandwich for a lady
Who was overweight and had a pimple
On her nose.
She ordered extra salami
We do not serve salami
So I ran to the grocery store
And they were running a special
Two for one on diet cola
But I do not drink diet cola
So I just bought ham.
I was fired the next day.
But that's okay I guess

Where did they go?
Who will ever know?

I turned on the television
There were reruns of South Park
Mocking some Fox News talking head
They said something about Nazis
But I was too stoned to
remember
The exact subject of that
Particular piece of dialogue.
Then I had to do some laundry
And I counted all my pants.

Where did they go? (I counted.)
Who will ever know? (I counted them all.)
Where did they go? (I counted.)
Who will ever know? (I counted on them all.)

I usually have five pairs
of navy blue jeans
I also have a black pair
But they’re a bit too small
around the waist
This is despite them having
the same waist size as normal on the tag.
So anyway, yeah, one was gone
So I cried for three days.
And arose on the third,
Introduced myself as Jesus
For a week afterwards
Until a man in a white dress shirt
Punched me in the throat.

Where did they go? (I have one less pant!)
Who will ever know? (Give me one more chance!)
Where did they go? (I have one less pant!)
Who will ever know? (Give me one more chance!)

I have less pants now
Than when I started.
I have less pants
Than when I began
I have less pants now
Than when I started
I must purchase them
All again!