1. |
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I have less pants now
Than when I started.
I have less pants
Than when I began
I have less pants now
Than when I started
I must purchase them
All again.
When did this all begin?
Well I suppose
It was at work last Thursday
I made a sandwich for a lady
Who was overweight and had a pimple
On her nose.
She ordered extra salami
We do not serve salami
So I ran to the grocery store
And they were running a special
Two for one on diet cola
But I do not drink diet cola
So I just bought ham.
I was fired the next day.
But that's okay I guess
Where did they go?
Who will ever know?
I turned on the television
There were reruns of South Park
Mocking some Fox News talking head
They said something about Nazis
But I was too stoned to
remember
The exact subject of that
Particular piece of dialogue.
Then I had to do some laundry
And I counted all my pants.
Where did they go? (I counted.)
Who will ever know? (I counted them all.)
Where did they go? (I counted.)
Who will ever know? (I counted on them all.)
I usually have five pairs
of navy blue jeans
I also have a black pair
But they’re a bit too small
around the waist
This is despite them having
the same waist size as normal on the tag.
So anyway, yeah, one was gone
So I cried for three days.
And arose on the third,
Introduced myself as Jesus
For a week afterwards
Until a man in a white dress shirt
Punched me in the throat.
Where did they go? (I have one less pant!)
Who will ever know? (Give me one more chance!)
Where did they go? (I have one less pant!)
Who will ever know? (Give me one more chance!)
I have less pants now
Than when I started.
I have less pants
Than when I began
I have less pants now
Than when I started
I must purchase them
All again!
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2. |
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Another synapse
Another chance to collapse
Moral prolapse
The other whispers
Freud’s Id and Jung’s Shadow
Soft-spoken super-ego
Reflexive calling
Destructive falling
Down
Listening down.
(The other whispers again)
Listening down.
(The other whispers again)
To imagined glistening crown.
Another relapse
Another place I collapse
Tripping on gaps
Voices scream inside me
Love and sin duality
Reflexive calling
Destructive falling
Down
Listening down.
(The other whispers again)
Listening down.
(The other whispers again)
To imagined glistening crown.
Please stop whispering now
Please stop listening
Where is that glistening crown?
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3. |
|
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Please turn over to side B.
(silly noises)
Thank you for turning over to side B.
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4. |
|
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Well, asshole, let me tell you the ol' Texas tale of Boozy Mittens, the Drunkard Cat. You see, Boozy Mittens was an old, fat bastard. He had one eye that was covered by an eyepatch, and another eye that was not. The eye that was covered by the eyepatch he could see things out of, which made it really inconvenient for it to be the one covered by the eyepatch. However, the other eye had lost its sight due to this cat's intense intake of alcohol-ic beverages.
(How much alcohol did he drink?)
Fuck-tons! Absolute fuck-tons. Man, that cat could drink an entire bottle of Smirnoff. Which is not entirely unimpressive for a human, but I mean, it's a cat, and they have much tinier livers that humans do.
(How much tinier?)
Fuck-tons tinier, you asshole!
(Sorry.)
God, where was I? Name of this fucking cat again?
(Boozy Mittens.)
Boozy Mittens! Well, anyway, he drank. And he was indeed a cat, with an eyepatch - that was inconveniently placed.
(How inconveniently placed was it?)
Fuck you! Fuck you. Very inconveniently, goddamn it.
Anyway, one time Boozy Mittens come up to my place. And he come up to my old lady. And he lay down on the bed. And my old lady be like, "Fuck you, cat. Get offa my bed!" And that cat vomited. Because he was Boozy Goddamn Mittens, and he was drunk off his ass. Like Boozy Mittens is wont to do. And to be. Because "drunk" is a state of being that one obtains through heavy consumption of alcohol.
I think you might have been aware of that.
But see, once Boozy Mittens refused to get off the bed, I had to get into a scrap with that old fat cat. He was fat by the way, I'm not sure I mentioned that.
(How fat was he?)
...You son of a bitch.
(How fat was he?)
HE WAS FUCKING FAT! He was so fucking- anyway, this bastard... Not you, the cat.
(Should I keep playing the music?)
Keep going you fucker. Well, he jumps at my face, and he was a big ol' fat bastard so it was about like getting hit with a cannon ball. My accents' changed! Oh my God, my accent has changed!
And that's why I can't walk.
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5. |
Heavy Pets
04:50
|
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One day
A long long time ago
Before the dawn of man
And the dawn of dawn
Because there was no sunlight
back before the creation myth
Anyway, the angels came down
to the demons
And they asked,
"Yo dudes, do you wanna have a picnic?"
And the demons were like,
"Sure man, why not?"
Well, there were a few reasons why not
But they ignored them
and had the picnic anyway
The angels brought potato salad
The demons brought potato salad
The angels used mustard, and the demons mayonnaise
They had a big old fight that lasts still today
Well, many centuries later
The angels and demons
Came to my house and gave me
potato salad
They asked me which one that I'd prefer
to settle their blood feud once and for all
I couldn't decide
But I tried, oh I tried
It was about that time
One of the demons - his name was Abaddon
He took my dog - his name was Joe
And he threw him in the pool
But he could swim
And the water filled his fur
And it made him
Heavy
|
Flitter Texas
Calling their often-comedic, semi-coherent, experimental, alt prog, electric jumble "Sidelong," Flitter is a must-listen. If you're not there for the music, you should at least to show up to gawk at how such a thing can exist in a civilized society.
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